Ah, anxiety, my closest friend

Happy NYC Marathon to all who celebrate 🏃‍♀️

This will be short & sweet. Today is marathon day in the city! As you read this, I am hopefully en route to Manhattan to cheer some runners on and hang out with a good friend. It’s a bright spot I’ve looked forward to through what has been a terrible couple of weeks for my mental health.

From the heart 💗

On the Evangelical agenda & politics in the US

Growing up I heard a lot of fear-mongering about the “gay agenda” and how the evil gays were going to ruin everything.

It was the shock of a lifetime to graduate and realize that the “gay agenda” was just a plea to be loved and accepted for who we are…or at least left alone in peace. Meanwhile, the agenda I should have lived in fear of was that of the evangelical sect that raised me.

God, I’ve been thinking about this for months now but remained too terrified to commit to writing this post the whole time. The truth is, I still know and love many who ascribe to the evangelical faith, and I don’t want to hurt or offend them or minimize the faith that has offered them comfort. Nor do I want to publicly lambast the calling that my parents followed for over two decades of their lives.

And yet…

And yet here I am. Sharing just a portion of the truth that lives in my heart. That truth is that I was hurt for many years and in many deep, scarring ways not just by evangelical people but by the evangelical church as a whole. That truth is that I know I hurt others for many years because of my adherence to my own faith. The larger truth is this: I think that the evangelical movement, especially in the US, has reached a fever pitch where, structurally speaking, it is doing more harm than good and has abandoned the very credos it preaches1.

My belief is that the powers that be within evangelicalism have an agenda and that agenda is noxious and toxic. Its end goal is control, patriarchy, white supremacy. This is why you see so many evangelical power brokers shilling for a figure like Donald Trump, a man who individually does not at all embody Christ-like features but who is willing to browbeat and squash anyone who disagrees.

Trump is a rich white man with a vested interest in maintaining power and control for other rich white men; he’s the white supremacist patriarchy’s wet dream; he’s a serial womanizer, a sexual assaulter, an insurrectionist, a liar, a cheat. In what universe would men and women who’ve devoted their lives to “ministry” find in him their standard-bearer?

In the universe where this ministry has less to do with actually administering to others’ needs and more to do with keeping the unruly populace under the thumb of the ruling class2.

The thing is, and evangelicals the country over like to pretend this isn’t so, but evangelicalism is enmeshed in the dirty business of running this country. Yes, I know, individuals like to pretend that they’re above it all, and maybe some of them truly are, but the structures that they work and minister under? Are so absolutely political it’s ridiculous.

I’m running out of steam to write this, I fear. It feels like I’m talking myself in circles to be honest, like I’m saying nothing new, but the thoughts are burning up inside my brain and demanding to spill out. So here we are.

From the camera roll 📸

A Lizzie, for comfort

From the page ✍️

On writing and privilege

This past week, I had the chance to share two exciting announcements on Instagram.

The first is the announcement of who I’ve chosen as my mentee for the QuillersSWANA mentorship. Quillers is a mentorship programed designed by and for SWANA writers, and I was so honored when I was selected as a mentor for this year. I’ll be working with a Palestinian author on her YA fantasy and I’m simply so excited.

I’m also going to be a Round Table Mentor. This is a mentorship program with a mission of democratizing, as much as possible, access to publishing. The group has a commitment of maintaining at least 50% BIPOC involvement on both the mentor and mentee front, which is something I appreciate as it shows the intentionality with which the organizers have approached things.

It’s easy to fall into an echo chamber of similar identities, and sometimes it requires being intentional to expand our horizons.

But what’s the point of sharing these updates here? The point is that I want to talk about privilege and platform and using the tools we have to expand opportunities for others.

As a part of my undergrad journalism major, we took a class called “Voice for the Voiceless,” which was all about how our role as journalists was to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

In the years since, I’ve learned that no one is voiceless or incapable of speaking for themselves; there are simply those who have less agency and who are less listened to. My job as a writer isn’t to speak for anyone else. It’s to amplify their voices, whether that means purchasing and supporting their books, boosting their posts, or helping them by holding open gates I’ve been let through.

What I hope to do with these two mentorships is take the skills and knowledge that I’ve gleaned and gained over 10 years of paying attention to publishing and studying the craft of writing, and offer them to anyone who might benefit and/or be interested.

From the shelf 📚

The Prospects3, by KT Hoffman

Apparently this is the year of my gay baseball romance awakening. I read The Prospects pretty much immediately after You Should Be So Lucky and it was perfect timing because the two make beautiful companions.

With poignant anxiety rep, a lovable gay trans POV character, and all the baseball team family you could want, The Prospects charmed me from page one. I loved everything about it. It was sweet and sexy and I rooted so fucking hard for Gene and Luis. I saw myself in Gene, too, in the way he hopes but doesn’t want and the way he refuses to accept that he is, well, anything. And I bawled at the way Luis loved him.

I’m tearing up just recapping it now so I’m gonna stop here and just say — y’all should read this book!

Alla prossima 👋

I’ve run out of steam.

The US election is in 48 hours and I’m so anxious I might vomit. If you’re anxious, too, well…solidarity, my friends.

As I spend most of my waking hours panicking over Tuesday, I’m also holding Palestine in my heart. Israel is still killing Palestinians indiscriminately while the US funds and equips their genocide. I remain convinced that none of us will be free until all of us are free and part of my election terror is the certainty that no matter who wins, a steep, hard fight lies ahead of us to reach said freedom.

— Karis xoxo