I went to a concert and then cried

Cause I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you 🎤

It’s true. I went to a concert last night! My first non-Pentatonix concert! And it just happened to be part of a stadium tour with SEVENTY-FOUR THOUSAND in attendance for, of course, Taylor Swift’s Eras tour.

I went with my friend Olivia and we had such a blast. The energy, the scream-singing along, the general vibes…a blast. I’ve never been to a show like that. It was absolutely an experience and I just, well, I’d say “I have no words,” but I actually do and you’re gonna read them all soon, lol!

In this newsletter you’ll find:

1. From the heart: reflections on a concert

2. From the shelf: a book I loved recently

3. From the page: the value of community in writing

Can’t wait to dive in!

From the heart 💗

I just need to process last night, I think. As someone who generally doesn’t do live music (I’ve been to a Pentatonix concert and a lot of church services, and that’s about the extent of it), it was absolutely a new kind of experience. There was so much energy, the whole stadium just came alive with it. It started during the openers, Gracie Abrans and Phoebe Bridgers, who were both totally phenomenal.

And then Taylor came on stage, and we were all on our feet, screaming and singing and jumping up and down. The stadium shook beneath my feet. It was so alive. It was breathtaking.

It triggered something of a mental breakdown for me, lol.

I couldn’t tell you what triggered it, other than I was just feeling so many emotions and they were all at the surface and my brain short-circuited and went down its comfort path of freaking the eff out. So I was sitting down, Taylor was singing songs from the Red era, and I just…started sobbing.

All around me were dancing bodies and shrieking voices and if you’ve never felt alone in a crowded space, you can’t imagine just how fucking weird it is. I was at a concert, meant to be having the time of my life, and instead I was thinking about how broken and messed-up my brain is that it can’t let me be happy for one!!! Single!! Second!

And then it passed! Just like that.

It reminded me of all the times as a kid and young adult I’d go to church and have a similar meltdown during worship services. I once heard a theory that live music events and Christian worship services are two sides of the same coin; it went that worship triggers similar emotions as live music does, so that’s why so many people have emotional reactions to church worship. And sitting at Metlife Stadium last night, sobbing in the midst of such a fun night, I thought…you know, that person has a point!

I used to chalk up my emotions during worship to just, like, being a good Christian in touch with the spirit. Now I’m wondering if I’m not just a very emotional person who has a visceral response to live music, lol.

I’m rethinking a lot of my original life framing these days. Figuring out what was real and what was fake and what was me trying so damn hard to be a good Christian. I posted on Instagram on Wednesday about how free I’ve felt since coming out and leaving the church, and every day I wonder more and more if my experiences with God as a kid weren’t just…the hope of it all. Like I was so desperate to believe that I created belief everywhere I looked.

I dunno. Big thoughts for a Sunday morning. But it’s what’s on my heart, so…

From the shelf 📚

Let’s talk about a book I’ve read & loved lately!! This one came as something of a surprise, cause it’s by a celebrity and I’ve heard rumblings that people weren’t loving it, but I fell head over heels into this book’s atmosphere and emotion.

Girls Like Girls1 is Hayley Kiyoko’s first novel, a YA based on her hit music video from 2015. The book is set in a sweltering summer in 2006 and the way I felt like I was immersed headfirst into that setting was uNREAL. There were Livejournal references, y’all! It was delightful.

I also really loved how it truly did follow the storyline of the music video! So I wasn’t shocked at much of anything that happened, but I was delighted.

I was already out of college when this music video dropped, but it was still very much a part of my sapphic awakening. I didn’t realize when I first watched it just why I felt the way I did, why I kept coming back to the video to watch & rewatch, and now I do! And it was so fun to see it in print. Pre-order the book before it comes out on Tuesday!

From the page ✍️

This may be a short section simply because I am…about to fall asleep where I sit, lol. But I wanted to talk today a little bit about what community can do for you as a writer. By “community,” I mean any friendship and camaraderie between fellow writers. I personally have a bunch of writing communities, from my school friends to my grove friends to my individual writing friends I found on the Internet and latched onto.

They matter to me in a million and one ways. They’re the friends who got me day jobs, who go to concerts with me, who cheer me on when I’m feeling like life isn’t worth living anymore. And they’re the friends who talk with me through plot problems and help me finesse my books, then encourage me to keep going when the querying trenches are hard, then celebrate wins with me, no matter how big or small they may seem.

And I just think that writing community matters because community matters. We’re not meant to go through life alone, and we’re not meant to go through our writing careers alone. Just because the act of writing itself can be solitary doesn’t mean we should be so.

So today, I’m just grateful to my community. Whether we talk daily, weekly, or more sporadically, they mean everything to me <3