On making impostor syndrome my b!tch

Hello my loves 😍 

Oh, I’ve got a big upcoming week — it’s the week that my ketamine infusion treatments begin! I am so excited (and nervous) and hopeful that these treatments will really make a difference in my life. This past week was really rough. It felt like every time I took a breath between tasks, my overwhelming depression was just there, ready to push me down and fill my mind with intrusive thoughts. I really white-knuckled my way through the week to get to the start of treatments!

In other news, I realized I was remiss last week not to share the latest podcast episode with y’all! On June 2, we share our episode on CHARACTER with author Kamilah Cole, and it was such a blast to chat with her! Listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts!

In other news, I’m still working on Operation: First Kiss this summer — feel free to share the Google form with any sapphic friends you think I might get along with 😄 And speaking of romance, as we’re about halfway through the month, I am reminding y’all that starting in July I’m piloting a video interview series with romance authors on my YouTube! Subscribe and get ready for me to share my conversations with some AMAZING romance authors! Alright alright enough preamble!

From the heart 💗

Let’s talk about impostor syndrome, shall we?

Every day I am plagued by crushing impostor syndrome. Especially as I’ve progressed in my author career! It’s like as soon as I got an agent and made it through that first gate, I was wracked with “do I really deserve to be here??” thoughts and doubts.

Part of this is due to the fact that my new status as an “agented author” meant I was eligible to be a mentor in various mentorship orgs — like QuillersSWANA and Round Table Mentor. I also finally got over my fear and started the podcast, something that had long been a dream of mine. Specifically, I started a craft-focused podcast. Yeah, I have renowned and accomplished authors on the pod to discuss all the craft topics — but the interviews are more like conversations, and I contribute my own thoughts as much as the guests do.

Sometimes I’m absolutely frozen with worry that I’m wrong. That I don’t know anything, and my advice will lead others astray, and I should just sit down, shut up, try to write my books and then if a publisher should deign to pay me for my work, THEN I can start sharing my insights and learnings.

Nobody cares what you have to say, because what you have to say is pointless, vapid, and meaningless.

That 👆️ is the voice of impostor syndrome.

I’m trying to get better at not listening to it! And you know what? I’d actually say I’m succeeding pretty well at ignoring it!

Now, if you’re one of my close friends who is privy to my daily “should I just quit???” and “another rejection because I suck!!!” panicked texts, you are probably making this face rn: 🤨 . Let me explain, LOL. I’m not so successful at ignoring the impostor syndrome and not letting it seep into my brain and send me spiraling. Where I’m successful is that I don’t let it stop me from continuing. As I realized in therapy this week: I’m tenacious as fuck, bro!

I worry that I don’t have any craft knowledge to share, that I don’t know what I’m talking about and my thinking is too shallow to be of use. And despite those worries, I have mentored two INCREDIBLE authors (hi Lea & Melonie!), reading their standout books and brainstorming ways to make them EVEN MORE delightful.

Despite those worries, I have spoken with nine accomplished, bestselling, award-winning authors about craft, and I have found that I learned from them and even added my own insights to the conversation.

Despite those worries, I have written nine novels — nine of them!!! — that I’ve revised and polished. I’ve sent five of them into the world in the query trenches, and another two have gone to my agent for revisions. Hot damn! I’m doing the thing!

And that’s a win. The win is that, yes, I face sometimes-immobilizing impostor syndrome and despair…but I don’t let it stop me. I ride out the waves of the terror — often in my friends’ inboxes, LOL sorry my loves — and then I get back to the work.

Someday I will be published. Because I’m not going to quit before then. Because even though I’m not sure I deserve it or have anything to offer or anything worth saying — I also know that I have a lot I want to offer and a lot I want to say.

Keep going. Even through the doubts. Even through the impostor syndrome. Because you, too, have something to offer and something to say. You can add your own awesomeness to the world and leave it a better place than you found it. You’ve just gotta keep going.

From the question box ❓

What are the best ways to process and manage emotions around rejection?

LOL. In fact: LMAO.

I laugh not at you, dear question-asker, because it’s a great question. I laugh at me. Because I’m soooo bad at this. But let’s try and figure it out together, yeah?

Here’s the thing: in a creative career, especially in publishing, we’re going to face a shit ton of rejection. Just…all day every day, really. Rejection is so much more likely than acceptance and validation, in fact. So the first thing to attempt — and I say attempt because it’s nigh on impossible to achieve — is to reframe how you validate and value yourself as an artist. We are not the sum total of our acceptances. We are not even the sum total of our creations. We are so much more, beautiful and messy and chaotic and delightful and funny and lovely and human. We have value because we are here, on this Earth, living our lives. That’s it.

Now that’s a really hard truth to stick with, I get it. But it’s worth chasing that internal validation. In the meantime, because we can multitask here, I think it’s important to reframe rejections. They’re not hard nos or statements on your value. They are redirection. They are a “not right now.” They are a “maybe we don’t see the vision, but that doesn’t mean there IS no vision.” You know? It’s a “not for me,” not a “you suck you absolute wanker.”

Finally — I recommend therapy. No for real. And if that’s not accessible, I recommend a loved one who has absolutely nothing to do with publishing, writing, or even art, who you can share your despair with, because they’ll be clear-eyed enough to help reframe and recenter you. I cannot tell you how often my roommate has shrugged off what I thought was a career-ending rejection, because she believes in me and that’s that. She believes I’ll get there someday. Even when I don’t. (And yes, she is insufferable when she’s right; she still throws “I knew you’d get an agent!” in my face literally two years later LOL.)

Take heart, friends! You’ve got so much to offer the world. Publishing gatekeepers can’t stop you forever!

From the shelf 📚

Not Safe for Work, by Nisha J. Tuli

This was my first Nisha J. Tuli read, and I really liked it! I loved Trishara as the main character, she has been hurt and rightfully has her walls up and watching Rafe slowly tear them down and prove himself to her was delightful.

I loved the way he comforted her during storms and listen, there’s a bit of a suspension of disbelief within the premise but I was THERE FOR IT, I suspended my disbelief and had a delightful time! I definitely recommend this hate-to-love workplace romance!

Alla prossima 👋

Okay. Let’s talk about America, shall we? Because this week…this week has been BAD. Toward the end of the work week, Sen. Alex Padilla, a California Democrat who was raising valid questions at a press conference organized by Kristi Noem, was brutally arrested and kicked out. And like…what are we doing? ANY citizen has the right to question the actions of the administration governing them — especially when the administration is illegally occupying a city. But I think that especially those citizens who were elected by other citizens to represent them? Yeah. YEAH. He had a right to be there and not be treated like trash.

Oh, and speaking of trash — Nazi Barbie Karoline Leavitt told a Black reported “what a stupid question” when said reporter asked Leavitt whether the president’s claims of arresting anyone protesting on Saturday were true. Bitch.

And then Saturday. I have no words for the horror I felt, waking up to learn that two Minnesota lawmakers had been targeted — one assassinated, one gravely injured — and then the president just…had his silly little birthday parade. Y’all. This man has no empathy or caring for anyone who cannot help him advance his evil plans!!! He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about Senators, Representatives. He doesn’t care about regular civilians. He would just as soon send you to CECOT in El Salvador as listen to you if you disagree.

And you know what? White women, especially Republican white women, especially cis straight able-bodied Christian white women, might think that their proximity to the white men in power will save them.

It won’t. Because once everyone else has been trod underfoot, you white women close to power? It’s your turn. Karoline Leavitt, Kristi Noem — do you really think you have a future in an administration that champions men who think women belong in the kitchen?? LOL. LMAO, even. No. You’re useful now, but soon you won’t be. Maybe you should turn on them before they turn on you 🤷 . Just a thought! Express solidarity with the rest of the marginalized and hey, maybe you’ll have a future. Idk!!! All I know is this administration is full-on fascist.

Okay that was a lot of talking about America. Before I log off, remember that it’s Free Palestine, Free Sudan, Free Congo — free every nation and people that is being oppressed 🍉 

— Karis xoxo