Q&A with Jen St. Jude, author of IF TOMORROW DOESN'T COME!

I didn’t really know what to expect when I first read If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come — a book about a teen who plans to die by suicide, whose plans are foiled by a meteor hurtling toward Earth? That’s two things that scare me: suicidality (something I am intimately familiar with) and, well, the end of the world. But I also knew it was a queer first-love story; that the cover was breathtaking; and that the author, Jen St. Jude, is simply one of the best people inhabiting the writerly internet these days.

So I picked up the book, and within pages, I was hooked. This book is my everything, now. I read it in early February and still think about it regularly. It’s a compilation of so many things that matter to me: mental health rep in YA, queer love, grappling with coming out of a restrictive religion…it’s like the book was made for me, to be honest.

And even the meteor storyline, well…let’s just say that by the time I finished this book, I was viewing the world — and death — in a totally new light. It literally rewired my brain, I swear!

But okay, enough of me blathering on! Let’s cut to the chase: I’ve got an interview with Jen below! I hopped on the phone with them early last week and we had a delightful conversation. I hope you enjoy, and please for the love of yourself, pre-order their book!

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

How did you get into writing in the first place?

I really don’t think I ever actually dreamed I would publish a book, but I’ve just always really loved writing. Even when I was a kid, I would play with dolls all the time, and when I think back on that, I’m like “what is that except making up stories about people?”

I was drawn to it from an early age. In high school, started doing it a little more seriously, perahaps cause it was the thing I was best at. It was something that was always around.

Why do you write?

It’s such a great tool to connect with other people. I definitely believe that it’s totally valid to just write for yourself, but I’m somebody who wants to share my work with other people, just in general. There’s things I’ve written that I really only wanted a small handful of people to read. With each thing that I’m working on, I decide who do I actually want to read this.

With my fiction, I love sharing. And I love reading and beta reading — looking at stories at every stage of the process. Even first drafts, straight from the [writer] unfiltered. It’s a give and take. Writing…as a more quiet person, it’s just the way I’ve always connected with people. You learn pretty quickly that not everybody reads with good intentions or an open heart — [they’re] not reading in good faith. Once I published some more personal things I realized that sometimes I needed some more protection around it.

You’ve been involved in some fellowships (Tin House, Lambda Literary) and mentorships (Pitch Wars). How did those affect your publishing journey?

They were all so transformative for me — part of why I’m sad about Twitter dying a slow death here is I learned about all of them on Twitter. One opportunity can lead to the next, then. There are [also] plenty of things I applied to that I didn’t get into…it’s easy to feel like that’s a reflection of you & your writing.

The programs were valuable but more valuable was finding writers who were 1-2 steps ahead of me and see where they are…There’s not a one size fits all path, so learning about a lot of diff paths is often really helpful.

What is the best thing about writing and publishing queer YA in 2023?

It’s such an interesting thing — I’m listening to my auidobook for the first time — it’s one of the coolest things of my life. Georgina Sadler nailed it. I’ve definitely been disconnected from my book for a while — now I’m feeling my book again, [and realizing] this is gonna get banned — real quick.

It’s a real gift and an honor to have the opportunity to publish a book like this, and I feel very protected — I live in Illinois, I’m an adult, my publishing team is mostly queer…there’s structures in place where I’m really supported. I also feel deeply sad because I know there are kids who would need queer books and they’re not going to be able to safely read it. [There’s also] the joy of knowing — this generation is queerer than ever, they feel a little bit more open to be. The pushback to [homophobia]. It’s beautiful and heavy.

I’d love to chat about why you felt it was important to have a YA with mental health rep.

There aren’t that many books about mental health in YA — well, there are a lot but not as many as we could have. It’s hard to sit in that space as a reader and as a writer so it’s like…growing up I read Prozac Nation and The Bell Jar — Sylvia Plath [gave us] a hopeful ending in the book, not in her own life. I’ve been drawn to books about mental illness breecause I do see myself in them. I could not have written anything else because it was so present in my mind and in my life [at the time of writing].

Depression is such a nebulous thing in the sense that it’s differnet for everyone. There’s situational, chemical, our devastating world…I’m drawn to in my friendships people who can relate to me. A lot of my friends have dealt with depression, anxiety, mental illness. When my best friends are like I’m really struggling, I can’t fix it for them. The only thing you can do is let people know that they’re not alone, you’re there for them…I don’t have answers so this book was just one example of you’re not alone. [I can be] a friend for someone who’s going through it even if I can’t fix it for them.

I’m fascinated by the dual timelines in If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come and wondering how you drafted it?

My brain is chaos. I originally didn’t even have…I’ve been writing this book since 2012. I originally was like…there’s an asteroid coming, and some vignettes. The asteroid present-day [storyline] wasn’t there until recently. Before it was her life flashing before her eyes. The past flashback informed the current day chapter, but not in chronological order.

With my agent we went through and fixed the present day timeline, more story structure around it, Save The Cat type beats…it wasn’t until I was working with my editor when we sold the book that the past scenes were put into chronological order. I was like…”it’s gonna be so much work,” but there really wasn’t. It took a long time to make it make sense on paper. It’s been shuffling puzzle pieces around and part of the reason it took me so long to write it and publish it is because I didn’t know what shape it was going to take.

What is your favorite part of this book?

It’s funny to say — I’m most proud of how hopeful it ultimately is. That took me a really long time to arrive at that, because…I resisted it for a long time. “I don’t have the answers so how can I make avery have answers.” Then over time — at Pitch Wars, I was like it has to be hopeful, [but] I don’t wanna force it…then I looked up and was like…I have continued to live my life, it’s gotten better, I’ve come out as queer and have a great queer community. I can’t say that I haven’t made my life better by meeting wonderful people, pursuing writing, having a family. I have learned time and time again to deal with [depression] in a new way.

There is hope despite how it might feel sometimes. I do keep marching on and I wanted [Avery] to, too…it was something I resented for a while but now it’s my favorite part of the book. It meets readers where they are, holds their hand and leads them away from it.

Do you have any books to recommend?

I’m currently reading Alex Crispo’s Saint Juniper’s Folly. It’s phenomenal.

Charlie Jane Anders’ Never Say You Can’t Survive. I read it recenlty, it was the book I always needed about writing. It talks about the craft part and the parts that I care about — it goes into the emotional side of writing and writing as a marginalized person and I could not recommend it more.

[I read] Forget Me Not by Alyson Derrick and I really loved it. The writing felt very classic and so well-done, and iIlove the characters, [it was] really sweet and funny, everything I wanted it to be.

That’s all, y’all! Hope you enjoyed this Q&A with the phenomenal Jen St. Jude! Be sure to pick up If Tomorrow Doesn’t Come this week!!!